We're told not to care what people think. We're told it doesn't matter what people think as long as you're okay with yourself. I buy into this theory pretty completely. I care what people think about me, of course - anyone who says otherwise is a liar - but not enough to change me. I am who I am, and while I care if people don't like me or get the wrong idea about me, I don't care enough to change me to suit them. Occasionally people's opinions of me help me grow, and I like when people are honest with me about the way I come across - but the bottom line is it's my choice who to be.
Most high school guidance counselors can tell you that. What they forget is the flip side of the coin.
If what others think of you doesn't matter, then what you think of them also doesn't matter.
If you don't care what people think of you, then you shouldn't expect everyone else to bow to your opinions of them. If you disagree with something someone does - too bad. It's not your life, and your opinion doesn't matter.
Everyone has the right to an opinion. That's true. That doesn't mean that everyone's opinion has 1) merit, 2) facts to back it up, or 3) the right to be said out loud. There are some things that we as individuals simply do not have the right to judge.
I have acquaintances I think are making mistakes. I have friends I think are doing the wrong thing. People I know make decisions I disagree with pretty much constantly. But if I wouldn't change for them, it is backwards for me to think that they should change for me. It's backwards, but also arrogant and unhelpful.
You can give all the advice you want - but ultimately, it's someone else's decision what they do with their life. If they don't take your advice, it's nothing personal. They're just doing what you yourself are doing - not caring what other people think.
Comments (29)
This is very true, which is why debating with half-wits is so entertaining as of late. They expect you to agree, even when their arguments have no foundation. Great entry!
@DearRicky - Haha, indeed. Although, I avoid arguing with half-wits for the same reason - there's no possible way to change an idiots mind about anything. Frustrating, haha.
great point. I don't think everyone who challenges me is a half wit though. just some of them
I competly agree... I wish a majority of people in this world thought like this... It might make living and having debates easier... with people... that way everyone dosn't think that only there way is right...
I like advice when I ask for it. Even if I don't take it, it's nice to try to see the situation from another perspective.
So true. It's hard to keep in mind sometimes though, but it is very true.
Great entry! I agree that people will do what they want whether you agree with it or not, but I also think there are times when you do need to tell someone that you think they are ruining their lives. My friend was always driving drunk, for instance. I told him that I was worried that he was going to get himself (or someone else) killed one day. We ended up getting in a fight over it, and whether or not he listens to me is ultimately his choice. But I don't regret telling him.
Good advice is usually pretty cheap, if we follow the laws of supply and demand.
Good post, good point. There are times when caring what others think is a good thing, when you could learn from them, and times when it is a bad thing, when all it will do is make you feel self-conscious. And in the end, we should only change ourselves if we agree it will make us a better person, not simply to appear a certain way to others.
Good advice. It is hard not to worry what others think though the way society is these days though. Everyone is so mind control. It is like everyone is a bunch of sheep in a flock at least in my opinion. It is sad really. More people need to concentrate on themselves instead of everyone else. Just hard to do I guess.
@Loonsounds - That's true! Some of the people who don't challenge us are also half-wits. Some people are just half-wits. =P
@ImUrKarma - I'm trying to get away from that line of thinking myself. I think it's something we all struggle with, really.
@ItsWhatEyeKnow - I really like advice. Talking things out with someone and getting their opinions helps me a lot. What's hard for me is realizing that when I give advice, it doesn't mean the person I'm giving it to is going to take it.
@EccentricSiren - There are times when silence doesn't help anyone, and there are times when ethically you have to at least make your opinion known. Still, it's hard to realize that sometimes, voicing your opinion just isn't going to change anything, because in the end, people make their own decisions. I wouldn't regret telling my friend that kind of thing either. In fact, I would end up regretting not telling him, I think.
@JadedJanissary - Hahaha, I like that. I might quote you sometime.
@TheRiverIsEverywhere - That's definitely the distinction I try to make, and I think you just said it ten times better than I could. =)
@ccbg420 - It IS hard to do, especially when you're a teenager or young adult. You've got everybody in the world telling you how you're supposed to be, most of the opinions are conflicting, and you don't really know who you are yourself. I like to think most people will get there someday, but maybe that's the wishful thinker in me.
True, although I use to hate it when my friends constantly came to me for advice like their life depended on it and then ended up doing the opposite of whatever I told them. I've over it now. It's their choice, their life.
you are such a brilliantly minded person. beautiful post!
i never really did think about the flip side of the coin, but i'm glad you pointed it out.
Great book and insightful post...enjoyed both!
recced + great post. all true. it's how i think, too. :) just as i don't care for comments like "ewwwww" and "OMG! i don't think you should do that" lol, i equally don't care to give my opinion if i know it's not gonna make a difference!
Dead on. We tend to forget that a lot somehow. Since I usually don't give a shit about what people think, it is wrong for me to assume that other people would actually care about my own opinion.
@SimplyNita - That's my trouble with it, too. I've realized that sometimes when people come to you for "advice" they really just want someone to listen.
@markb287 - Thanks, bud! =)
@Rolledonbyconfusiontires - No problem. Haven't seen you around in a while! How've you been?
@Girl_Without_Pity - Thanks! I'm definitely loving the book so far. =)
@OhItWontBeForever - I still usually do end up giving my opinion because I have a big mouth... haha. But I'm getting over attempting to get everyone to agree with me.
this is so very true. rec'd.
creepy how i was talking to a friend and thinking about how my mum is always trying to change me, logged into my xanga and BAM! hahanice. it DOES go both ways. you put that part really well.
i mean, not that you care that i liked it...
Thank you so much for the well wishes, it really means a lot to me.
-Amber
Very true; I think we tend to get frustrated or offended when people don't follow our advice, when we KNOW we're right!
@x_Quadrophenia - I didn't tell you? I'm a psychic blogger. =P
@TheBigShowAtUD - Um, I think you may have forgotten, but you're THEBIGSHOWATUD. These rules obviously don't apply to you. Your opinion is everything.
@di5armed - You're very welcome. Has she gotten any better?
@lonelywanderer2 - I know I always do. It's just something I need to work on, along with a lot of others, I think.
HAHA. you flatter me.
it's not true, though. i'm a regular guy. my opinion means just as much as the next person... unless i'm an expert on the subject at hand, of course. ooooh.
Wow, I like this i completely agree with this.
I'm so glad i can go back on xanga now my comp has been fixed. I missed reading your posts.